I Hate This Place

   Jeff Foxworthy was one hundred percent correct.

   In an older piece of material, Mr. Foxworthy described how after a tornado passes through, the newscasts following always seems to find the least intelligent people to interview concerning the damage. Living in the southern area where the recent slew of tornadoes ransacked, I can completely confirm this. 

   I was at my friend's house watching the news the night after the storms had come through. It was, of course, thirty minutes of pure storm aftermath coverage, and around the 4th or 5th round of interviews with the victims, I came across a realization; I'm really ashamed to claim that I live where I do. Now with living here for almost 30 years, I know that's a bit of an odd epiphany to have so later on so I'm assuming I've just been in denial up until now. I looked at my friend, and with a blank stare declared my immediate and desperate desire to move elsewhere.

   Now I do feel bad for these people. No one deserves having their houses destroyed by uncontrollable circumstances. I also have no hard feelings toward the south. For the most part, it's not THAT bad. I know there is a generalization of people living in the south being dumb illiterates with mullets and no teeth walking around barefoot and wearing nothing but overalls, but to be honest.....well....we aren't ALL like that. Some? Yes. I've seen it, it's not pretty. But in most parts, especially around civilized areas, it's not common.

  So to sum it all up, the south isn't horrible, but the people who live here that make it to television really creates an awful image for us all. I mean, if someone told you they lived in Alabama or Mississippi and you DIDN'T immediately think of a shirtless guy sitting on the porch drinking moonshine with a shotgun in his lap? Those type of people DO exist, and although they are far and few in between, they take the popular generalization of denizens of this area. 

   So next time a tornado comes through, I'm crossing my fingers that it goes right through my house just for the chance of being on television in which I will be sporting a top hat and monocle, describing the situation in a snobby British accent, then looking off camera and asking my imaginary butler Jiles to pull the Bentley around. That'll show 'em.